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Q&A With Fake Austin Peay Blogger

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Took some mescaline, turned on a blacklight I found in a dumpster, and channeled my inner Austin Peay Governor.

NCAA Football: Austin Peay at Vanderbilt Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

Earlier this week I exchanged - nevermind; I’m not even going to pretend. I didn’t exchange any emails this week with a writer supporting UK’s upcoming opponent. Believe it or not, it’s difficult to find one for an 0-11 FCS team that hasn’t won a game since 2014 (and have only won three games since the end of Barack Obama’s first term). There’s just too many bandwagon fans these days, man. No one wants to suffer.

Will Healy, the Governor’s 30 year-old coach, is young so I first tried reaching out to him via Snapchat, then Instagram, and finally this other cool social media app you probably haven’t heard of yet that’s all the rage with the kids. He ultimately declined via his part-time secretary/starting quarterback - maybe because his team has lost on a rough average of four touchdowns per game this year?

Or maybe because he’s an old soul that eschews “The Dark Age of Distraction, Rudeness, Truthiness, and Erosion of Actual Human Intercourse” also known as social media. In any case, Healy will probably be out of a job after 2017, return to his passion of teaching Driver’s Ed., and Austin Peay can continue on its slow march of being lost-to-history long before CTE studies, idolatry, or the next Ice Age terminate (mercifully?) the sport.

Check it: the Siberian tiger will cross the Bering Strait, and stalk buffalo hordes in North America, before Austin Peay football is relevant.

Being that there are no Austin Peay football fans, and Healy was busy playing NCAA Football 2011 to prepare for Saturday, I had to take matters into my own hands. Thus, I channeled my inner Governor for the sake of 75-750 unique page clicks depending on if the title to this post is head-line grabbing enough for Facebook clicks.

Without further ado...

  • What factors have led to Austin Peay’s 0-10 season? Is it a matter of playing a lot of young promising players, to priortize building towards the future?

I don’t know. Haven’t watched them in years. I’m actually more of a Tennessee fan for football, and a UK fan for basketball. I actually forgot I graduated from Austin Peay until you emailed me.

  • Which AP players do you think UK is preparing especially harder for this week?

See my first answer; however, Google tells me receiver Jared Beard has 920 yards receiving this season along with seven touchdowns. That’s actually pretty good. He stands a good chance at making a NFL roster depending on his measurables.

Linebacker Gunnar Scholato is a redshirt freshman who has 120 tackles, seven tackles for loss, and one sack in ten games. This suggests both that he’s a good player, and also he has no supporting cast if those are his numbers after only 10 games.

  • Well, I don’t think there’s much else to discuss so go ahead predict the outcome.

UK should be up several touchdowns at the half, and the majority of starters shouldn’t see game action outside of the first series of the second half. This is one of the worst FCS programs - if not the worst - in the entire country for the last few years. Morale is probably terrible, and every player and coach just wants to get to the off-season. I can’t imagine practice went well this week. The game-planning was likely perfunctory too.