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I Have Seen The Future...

UK's dominance over UofL echos into an apocalyptic future.

Frank Victores-USA TODAY Sports

Decades from now, after war, famine, and pestilence have whittled 6.5 billion humans down to emaciated, nomadic herds - with little vegetation growing in the hellish landscape, a husk of an atmosphere, and cannibal hordes preying upon the weak for nutrition and labor - I presumably will live in a radioactive crater-village along a remote spur of humanity. I'd call it "Home" if I still retained the abilities of language and cognitive thought.

apocalyptic future

One night, while on watch for a raiding party from a rival clan, my brain synapses will randomly misfire, and unlock a part of my mind long dormant. I will be distracted from the immediate task at hand while my consciousness opens sections of my brain barely beyond reptilian instinct for the first time in many years. With a swollen tongue, and an empty belly, I'll mumble to no one in particular:

I remember at the end of 2015, UK had beaten UofL in 8 of the last 9 games in men's basketball; the women's team had won 5 straight too.

That memory warms me in the frigid night as I contemplate it amid the gnarled ruins of civilization. Focusing on the more important comforts of a previous age will come in time, but at the moment my thoughts prioritize that antediluvian period of hardwood domination.

Lost in thought, I'm quickly impaled by a Rebar spear wielded by a ravenous, slack-jawed cannibal.

"...but UK still dominated Louisville..." will be my dying words, and I am euphoric regardless of my pending field-dressing.

*Note: This post was originally published in December 2014. It has been updated to reflect UK's continued supremacy.