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Kentucky Basketball: Courier-Journal Sports Editor Wants To Know How Calipari Does It

Will ESPN's All-Access to Kentucky basketball expose Calipari's secrets? Why wait? A Sea of Blue already has the answers.

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The Courier-Journal's sports editor, Creig Ewing, hopes that ESPN's All-Access reality series successfully exposes some things about the Kentucky Wildcats program, but perhaps not the things you would reckon. Here's how he opens his blog post today:

Kudos to ESPN for convincing Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari of the need to make a little effort to publicize his program over there in Lexington. I can’t wait for the ESPN All-Access reality series on the Wildcats that is scheduled to air starting Oct. 17.

Is it my imagination, or is this paragraph dripping with sarcasm? Not that it really bothers me, it sort of stands to reason that the Louisville paper's sports editor should be somewhat less than enamored of the Kentucky Wildcats. In other words, he probably prefers red to blue.

That's fine, of course. But he has a couple of other questions he hopes get answered. Let's take each in turn, and see if I can answer them for him:

Why doesn’t UK seem to have injuries among it’s NBA-bound players?

Everybody knows the answer to this one. Cal has a statue of Jobu in his office, and to whom he offers chickens and rum to make sure all the injuries are transferred away from Kentucky players and to their Louisville Cardinal counterparts.

Last year, there is video of what happened:

Ricky P. just can't lay off that Captain Morgan,apparently. I've also heard tell that Coach Cal leaves his office unlocked on purpose. Works every time.

How does Cal keep the players in class?

Heh. That's easy. We have teachers that look like this:

Any questions?

How will Nerlens Noel lather, rinse, repeat, tease and brush that impressive mane and still find time to go to class, practice and study? Cal must have a secret cosmetology lair.

Well, duh. Here at Kentucky, we are the gold standard. When it comes to hair styling, only the very best will do:

Scrappy Coco, AKA "The Zohan." Nerlens is covered, no worries.

See, Mr. Ewing, you don't have to wait for ESPN. We here at A Sea of Blue already have the answer to all your questions.