clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Kentucky Basketball Recruiting: Listening In On The NCAA Committee On Infractions

Kentucky coach John Calipari recently put up a post at entitled, "Coach Cal's Holiday Message On Recruiting."  In his message, Coach Cal tries to debunk what he sees as some common myths about college basketball recruiting.

However, we know others besides the Big Blue Nation are listening to Coach Cal out there, and through the magic of the recently rediscovered Palantíri, one of which we here at A Sea of Blue have secretly placed in the chambers of the  NCAA Committee on Infractions, we are going to find out what they thought about Calipari's article.

[Dennis Thomas, Chairman, standing before the Committee on Infractions in Jedi robes.  The committee members are robed, hooded, and their faces hidden by shadow.]

[Thomas]: "My fellow members of the Jedi Ord ... uh, I mean, Committee on Infractions, I am Deeply Troubled™ that John Calipari has recently spoken to recruits during the Quiet Period of the recruiting calendar that ended today.  We should consider action in response."

[Committee Member #1]:  "How did he do this, Maste ... ahem ... Mr. Chairman?"

[Thomas]:  "He wrote an article on his website that purported to debunk recruiting myths, but was actually a correspondence directed at the young, impressionable men he is recruiting to his dark purpose!"

[Committee Member #2]:  "But was not his commentary addressed to his drones, the 'Big Blue Nation?'"

[Thomas]:  "It was, but that was a transparent and sham of the Dark Side.  You know as well as I that Darth ... er, coach Calipari intended that message not for his mindless stormtroopers, but rather for the younglings!  It is a violation of the Holy Words of the NCAA Bylaws!  It is intolerable!"

[Committee Member #1]:  "If so, he must be punished.  But how?  We cannot prove even to the satisfaction of Master Bobby Knight that he had nefarious motives.  What's to be done?"

[Thomas]:  "There can only be one punishment -- Calipari must be forced to vacate that commentary!"

[Committee Member #3]:  "Pardon me, Master Chairman, but how does one 'vacate' commentary?"

[Thomas]:  "Why, exactly the same way wins are vacated, of course.  We pretend like they never happened and demand that Calipari and Kentucky do likewise.

I will have a ten-page single-spaced letter sent to Kentucky president Dr. Eli Capilouto detailing our outrage and threaten them with an appearance before us if he does not order Calipari to take the offending correspondence down immediately and replace it with an apology for illegally addressing recruits during the Quiet Period."

[Committee Member #2]:  "I fear for the public response, Master Chairman.  After all, you still have not addressed the various annuals and website representations, including at your own former institution, in violation of our Holy Bylaws identified by Calipari's drones that we recently forced Kentucky to renounce publicly.  We will be seen as injudicious, capricious, arbitrary, inconsistent, and biased against Kentucky."

]Thomas, scornfully]:  "The 'public?'  Really, Master Member, what do we care about them?  The 'public' cried about our rescue of the BCS football championship when we tortured logic to keep Cam Newton eligible. The 'public' squalled when we rescued the integrity of the NCAA tournament by our permanent disqualification of that dreadful Turkish player who might have helped the insufferable Kentucky Wildcats win another NCAA Tournament.  The 'public' criticized us because our gymnastics of reason saved Blessed Brother Krzyzewski from the awful embarrassment of vacating wins in the Myron Piggie/Corey Maggette affair.

Despite all our efforts to maintain the high standards of the Holy Bylaws by any means possible, the 'public' still does not love our wonderful noocracy, so why should we care what they think?.  We have never really cared before about appearing injudicious, capricious, arbitrary or inconsistent, so why start now?  And we are biased against Kentucky.  Nobody seems to mind but them."

[Committee Member #2, chastened]:  "You are right, Master Charmian.  I withdraw my objection."

[Committee Member #1]:  "Besides, the Dark Lord ... I mean, coach Calipari even suggested recently that the 64 or 72 biggest schools secede from the NCAA and form their own league!  How can we allow this blasphemer to continue to flout our authority and offend the wisdom of our pronouncements?  If our innuendo cannot destroy him, he must at least be brought to heel!"

[Thomas]:  "Then it is decided.  Calipari will be made to vacate his remarks and issue a clarification, or face our wrath.  Any objections?" 

<Sees no objection.>

[Thomas]:  "Very well.  I'll have my apprentice write this ten-page letter out, in manuscript and in his own blood, and deliver it to the president Capilouto of Kentucky by carrier pigeon.  We shall defend amateurism against the scourge of the Dark Sid ... umm... Calipari yet again!"

At this point, my Palantír went dark.  We are left to guess about the rest of their deliberations.