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Kentucky Basketball: The Cenobites are coming for John Calipari

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Go on... but trick us again child, and your suffering will be legendary even in Hell! --Pinhead, Hellraiser II:  Hellbound

This is how Kentucky fans must feel right about now -- negotiating with malevolent forces from the depths of darkness trying to drag the newly-resurgent Kentucky Wildcats back to the Hell of irrelevance.

You've probably heard by now that Rajon Rondo and the Boston Celtics have sent LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers home for the summer.  The puzzle box is solved.  The Cenobites are unleashed in the form of sportswriters to torment us, and know our flesh.

Let's begin.  First, the New York Post:

The rumor swirling through the NBA is John Calipari wants back in and will bring his LeBron James ties. Don't look for him in New Jersey.

Simple.  Direct.  To the point.  This is the rumor.  Swick!  The first hook and chain hit your skin.  Then:

Brown goes now, and Calipari moves into the forefront of the discussion. James is forever seeking leverage, and hand-picking his own coach with the Cavs could be the most appealing part of staying with them. What James’ crew will do is force an NBA market for Calipari that exists in only two scenarios: The promise of keeping James or the promise of luring James away.

What Adrian Wojnarowski is apparently saying is that Calipari is only a hot property because of LeBron.  I wonder if that is true, but let's just assume it is -- would Coach Cal be comfortable owing his job in the NBA to his friendship with its best player?  Your guess is as good as mine.

Michael Wilbon:

There was Jay-Z, part owner of the Nets, sitting at midcourt in Boston the other night, making goo-goo eyes at LeBron. There was John Calipari sitting courtside one night, rumors flying that he'd love to coach his former college star, Derrick Rose, and LeBron in Chicago.

Rumors flying.  Swick!  You feel the second hook sink in.  ESPN True Hoop:

More surprisingly, all of [the three NBA general managers interviewed] said they believe the destination will be the Chicago Bulls. Two said they believe that John Calipari will be the Bulls' new head coach.

Swick!  Another hook bites deep.  The Sporting Blog:

But recently a new theory has made the rounds—a long-shot conspiracy tale with very little hard evidence to back it—that has James eyeing Chicago, possibly with Kentucky coach John Calipari in the mix. James will have some long weeks ahead before he begins making his decision, but this series did not help the case for staying in Cleveland.

Ahh, at last.  A bit of blessed relief.  Calipari and LeBron to Chicago a conspiracy theory.  Sounds good.  Sounds right.  Then Andy Katz via tweet:

On Calipari: 1. He needs more than $4 mil a year; 2. Decision making role; 3. NBA owner, not just player, has to want him. We'll see.

Swick!

The hooks are in, Wildcat fans.  When will the tightening begin?  Stay tuned.