I was recently appointed head of a national committee to distribute the pre-made 2012 University of Kansas National Champion tee shirts. Our task was to find a suitable source to quickly move the highly anticipated large quantity of unmarketable Jayhawk cotton.
Our first thought was to contact homeless shelters and outreach programs to clothe the desperately needy. The result was unexpected but understandable. Once the targeted parties were made aware of what the actual clothing represented they found it to be insulting and almost unanimously undesirable. I say almost due to a few spirited hobos willing to accept a shirt with hopes of hazing the first among them to pass out or for use as a starter for the evening fire. As I listened to them laughing in the background of the call, it was referred to as awakening to find yourself the recipient of a J-hawkin’! Oh, those loveable hobos!
Another option was to use the foreseen bulk of Kansas national title tees as a way to assist maximum security prisons across the nation experiencing a clothing shortage due to over population. We started by contacting a prison inside the state of Kansas because we thought that to be the most sensible plan of action. That plan was blocked Anthony Davis style! We were told that death row inmates collectively responded with "We wouldn’t be caught dead in one!" Oh, those lovable death ro... nevermind.
The task was now growing increasingly frustrating, though that emotion was replaced with the dull ache of a potential stomach ulcer upon the closing minutes of a call from the University of Kansas’s head coach, Bill Self. He softly murmured that he had only pre-ordered two national title tee shirts and was planning on using one as a gag gift for Clark Kellogg. Bill said he didn't really anticipate actually winning the game and was just excited about being part of a game where he coached against a group of future NBA players and the greatest coach in his profession. He also made a joke about The Fray getting their clothing from a local friendship center that I didn’t get until just now. That Billy was a character! He did however offer us the remaining shirt.
I was now heading a committee with no purpose. Incredibly disappointed, I am on my way back into the boardroom prepared to dismiss the committee on only the second morning of business when I receive a blessing in the form of a ringing cell phone with an incoming call from a 502 prefix. It was a noticeably anxious fast talking guy calling from Louisville who insisted on being called "Slick Ricky". Slick had apparently made an overzealous investment and was hoping to discreetly move an insanely large amount of merchandise, and quickly!
I can’t wait to get the hobo’s reaction to this one! I’m expecting something along the lines of a joke starting with a Sears and Roebuck catalog setup, a dirty bird reference, leading into a more suitable source of outdoor tissue paper punch-line! Ya just gotta love those hobos!
For those of you wondering what happened to the remaining KU National Championship tee, the committee decided to send it overnight delivery… to President Obama.
-R. Gonzalez http://www.everythingkentuckyonline.com