Kentucky Football: 2009-2010 Season Guide for the Behaviorally Challenged

UK FOOTBALL EDITION

We are now in full swing for UK athletics for the 2009-2010 school year. And by that I do mean "swing". What?....you say.....The season hasnt even started....well, no it really hasn't, but etiquette classes for this year have started and this is your guide to behavior in such a target-rich environment as we seem to have found ourselves.

Everyone has had to "Embrace the Hate" since the John Calipari ( well maybe some of you have to still call him John Calipari, I now simply refer to him as JC, no not That One) hiring in the spring. However, the football team has completed three bowl seasons, and brought newfound fame for it's history, so we start the season full of promise, and the eventual exaggerated exuberance that it will bring.

What we have here is a guide (examples of acceptable and non-acceptable behavior for sidelines, tailgating, highways and backroads, and beyond). This is a GUIDE and you may find that not all situations are covered here, but let's face it. No one could cover everything that happens to an enthusiastic UK fan over the course of a season, should they decide to put a sincere effort into it.

1) Tailgating( At Commonwealth)- It is acceptable and even encouraged to paint up, dress up, tank up and fire up at Commonwealth. It is not acceptable however, to do this to the oppositions fans wherever they find to park.  Please refrain from painting over collegiate license plates from the oppostion with a prominent  blue UK. Do not offer food to passersby from opposing teams which has been laced with enough heat to melt the polar ice caps. (If you are willing to share your adult beverages with them however, this practice is permitted). It is not permissable to have a fan pointed at the opposing fan's tailgate party and open a can of stink bait, or pop blue smoke canisters in their direction, unless of course they did it first, then it's game on!

2) Commonwealth Stadium- It is acceptable to take your game paraphernalia into Commonwealth to cheer on the Cats. You should however refrain from taking slingshots and blue paintballs, joy buzzers for shaking the opponents fan's hands before and after the game, and banners which read " The Only Ticket I could Get Was Sitting Beside These Morons" that you attempt to stretch across your seat and the three opponents beside you.

3) When the Cats win, it is not permissable to show body parts to the opponent's fans. If we should happen by some random act  to lose however, feel free to show your displeasure.

4) Should you wish to engage an opponent's fans with verbal jabs and enthusiastic conversation, please keep personal attacks to a minimum. They cannot help neither their ignorance nor their perpetuation of the myth that they are better than we are. Unless it is some loudmouthed ignorant jerk that has no idea of etiquette or even how to spell it. Then let the bum have it with both barrels.

5) Traveling for away games. This should be done ONLY in numbers and never into an area where you do not have some sort of backup. Should you find yourself sitting on highway 75 headed south to Knoxville or Athens, or on 65 headed south to Nashville, or any other opposition's stadium, and get passed by a vanload of opposing fans who decide to show you their intelligence ( both cheeks) refrain from taking target practice. This is considered to be "baiting" ( see Tru for definition). Do not allow yourself to be dragged into a contest of stupidity. That is for the lesser schools to deal with.

6) Opponents stadiums. Go in, sit down, shut up, and watch the game. Nuff' said.

7) Celebrations at opponent's stadiums. This practice should be avoided at all costs, as it usually is followed by arrests, ER visits, and stalking from enraged fans from the opposition. Not Good.....don't go there.

8) Emergency breaks along out-of-state backroads and in small towns. Please try and find appropriate facilities for emergency bathroom stops before and after a game. Getting caught in Georgia, Mississippi,Alabama,Tennessee,S.Carolina or Louisiana with "it" hanging out in the breeze for all to see is not recommended and in some rural areas does carry a prison sentence. Florida however is a different story.....soak those bozos down every chance you get!

Hopefully this guide will help make your UK Football experience just a little more enjoyable this season and beyond. Remember, it is up to us to be the more mature and thoughtful fans out there, we are from Kentucky people, let's act like it!

The Basketball Edition will follow in about a month......however since we rule basketball, most of these situations will be obsolete, so that guide will probably be much shorter.